True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
