don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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