i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
