I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
