wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Duck Duck Cougar?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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