I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
