mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
