k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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