Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
