I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
