Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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