While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
