I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
