i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
