So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
