i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Randomize
