something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
