What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
