The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
