My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize