his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
