So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
