Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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