this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
