Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
