So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
