does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
