It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
