I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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