Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
