I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
