i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
