so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
