I just threw up on my dentist
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
