I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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