i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
