And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
