i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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