the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
