Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
