i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
