he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
