i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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