Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
