I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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