so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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