Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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