All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
