Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm always down for nudity.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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