Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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