I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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