I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
