so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
