So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
