I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need to align my fucking chakras
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize