He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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