and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
