I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize