How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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