Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
