my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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