Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
