If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
