with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
