Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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