Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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